Phil Vickery: Bankruptcy and divorce made me question my purpose in this world – then I put on a budgie smuggler and bodybuilding gave me a new life

In late September, as the autumn chill began to set in, Phil Vickery stood outside a small theater in Milton Keynes wearing skimpy black trousers.

Lee, a friend from his gym days, stands next to him with a bottle of True Tan, scanning his massive frame, ready to paint every inch of white a dazzling, artificial bronze-orange shade. are. Someone has to do it.

“Budgie smuggler, tanned, waxed, hairless…you’re making yourself mean,” Vickery says from the World Cup-winning rough-and-tumble prop. He says this while looking back on his dramatic leap into becoming a purely chiseled bodybuilder. At the Ultimate Physics British Open.

“The pumps, the stage, the lights, the poses. It’s completely unnatural, completely out of my comfort zone and completely foreign. As a rugby player I had my legs and parts of my shoulders shaved for taping. However, this was a completely different world.

“Then I walked into the gas station, got out of the car, and my face was bright orange. People must have thought, ‘Fuck you, where the hell did that come from?’

Although it’s a 130-mile drive from her home in Somerset, Vickery’s personal journey to the show stage was far from simple. Queen’s glory, joy, divorce, and bankruptcy. Almighty highs and overwhelming bass somehow blend into a comfortable steady state with a tight vacuum flex in the abdomen.

“When you walk through the gym door, it really doesn’t matter what’s going on in the rest of the world. I needed something challenging outside of my comfort zone, so I decided to try doing a bodybuilding show. That’s what I thought. I came in 3rd place.

“My genes are shit and I wasn’t built to be a bodybuilder, but I loved the process. The pain, the hurt, the suffering that goes into getting on stage.

“When you look into the eyes of someone who’s been through it, you think, ‘What a respect.’ It’s like looking at another rugby player and saying, “You’re injured, come on, good job.” ”

As Vickery sips a nice mix of spelled flakes, berries, protein powder and Greek yoghurt, he reflects on his journey since the 2003 World Cup. “I’m working on it again for the next show,” he said, shoving a spoon into his mouth from a plastic Tupperware box.

“I’ve always trained with a purpose, so I really struggled in the gym after rugby. I love cycling, but I’ve had three neck surgeries so I’m only on the bike for an hour. That’s it.

“Suddenly you’re a little bit bigger, a little rounder. Another year, half a stone. Before you know it, you’re 24 stone. It’s amazing. ‘Fucking hell, my knees hurt, my ankles hurt, my shoulders hurt. You’re thinking, “Fucking hell, Phil, come on.”

“I’m 18 stone now. It took me a long time to understand that I needed to go to the gym for my own health, both physical and mental health.”

England’s glorious boys’ bond of 2003 has been left to gather dust and rust. Their support networks faded into history. They have a strange and distant relationship with the RFU, with Richard Hill being the only player in the 30-man squad out of 500 staff at Twickenham.

Vickery started out as a restaurateur after winning the 2011 Celebrity MasterChef series with her scallops and black pudding. It seemed like his life was going in the right direction, but behind the scenes he was experiencing a breakdown in his marriage and was forced to cease trading after the lockdown.

At his lowest points, bodybuilding provided endorphins and escapism.

“When I was going through a divorce, someone told me, ‘Don’t let alcohol be your friend,’ and that was really scary. I didn’t know how I could end up in that situation. I could easily imagine that, so I consciously tried to stay away from it. Bodybuilding was a good excuse for last-minute preparation, because you’re so clean.

“Corona, restaurants, bankruptcy, divorce… is that the lowest point in your life?” Of course it is. It’s your own integrity. This is Phil Vickery. Honesty, integrity, passion, pride…but you failed. You can keep playing the game, telling yourself that things will work out. Eventually it caught up with me.

“You start asking yourself, ‘What is the purpose of me being here? Would I be better off not being here?’

“I had scenarios that I went through in my head, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it doesn’t matter what other people think of me, I have two beautiful children, a wonderful brother and sister, a mother and an aunt. , and there I am, my uncle, my cousins. Selfish isn’t the right word, but I think, “Come on.”

“I had a hard time after retiring. I didn’t feel like going to my 10-year reunion because I wasn’t feeling well. Going through divorce and bankruptcy is kind of the end of a cycle. It’s in the public domain. , is a reality of life that cannot be hidden and must be brought to the forefront.

“I take responsibility for what happened to me. I sit there and I go before it.” I remember being labeled the worst team in history.

“When things are going well, we all want to take a little action. But let me tell you, when you go to a press conference and you’re doing shit, you have to sit there and deal with it. That’s when I realize: I’ve never been afraid to come forward, and I’m going to come forward.”

Vickery’s words are full of fighting spirit. He has an infectious energy that makes you want to go to the gym with him. It’s this spirit that turned the self-proclaimed “fat kid at school” into a powerhouse in the sports world 21 years ago.

An old oriental tattoo on his arm means “I’ll fight to the death,” and those words still ring true. Vickery is fighting back.

He talks about his desire to get back into the kitchen while embarking on a mission to reunite with the old giants of 2003. They are reuniting, filming a documentary and launching Champions 2003 to create a legacy of support for the next generation. Players retiring.

“When I watch TV right now, there are people who win things that are completely fucking pathetic, even if they don’t want to offend anyone. That’s not the kind of thing anyone would deal with, not even a monkey, and that doesn’t mean anything to the world. And they say, “I am.” It was a life-changing experience. ”

“Truly, I had a life-changing experience. The first time I saw the documentary, I cried. I cried many times, but I laughed at the same time.

“The open-top bus was in London, and people would go up to number 10 and walk through the door and be greeted by the Prime Minister. “What a way to go to Buckingham Palace and meet the Queen.

“That’s the special part, this documentary has footage that we’ve never seen before. Pandora’s box. Little things in the locker room, those things, it’s just, ‘Fuck, yeah. ” Something like.

“The game has moved on. To be honest, our game is going down, not up, financially. I mean, we’re not talking about making multiple millionaires; We’re talking about, “What can we teach because it’s actually true, and what can we pass on from our learning to help the next generation?” Emergency funds for people on the ground.

“We often see people spending £1 million on campaigns and winning awards, but what does that really mean? We want to build a real partnership. Rugby players are easy to train because they have been doing it for many years.

“I don’t want to bet every penny I have, but I have everything so I’m sure you’re fighting the battle or the challenge, whatever it is.

“And if it’s too much for a big old guy like me to get up and go, Phil Vickery, the bull, MBE, England captain, three-time Rugby World Cup winner, European Cup winner, of course, Of course, of course, of course” – of course, of course, of course, in fact, I fucking fought, but it was just as hard. “It will help someone, and if it helps someone, that’s great.

“When I think about what we’re going to do for our 2003 players, that group of players is the most important thing in the world to me. I’m seriously willing to die for them.

“It’s about giving the boys a sense of identity back, helping each other, including financial and emotional support, and talking more. Now, it’s about legacy. Now, everything I want to achieve in the future is about legacy. Cooking, food, farming, rugby… What positive impact can it have on me?

Wit, wok, wisdom. There is no doubt that Vickery has a lot to offer both the rugby world and the rest of the world. And if some new friends join him with a bottle of True Tan, even better.

Unbreakable: England 2003 is available to stream on-demand on Discovery+